Tuesday, March 8, 2011


I'm in the car quite a bit. And I'm always listening to music while I drive. And singing (because no one else can hear me – and this is a good thing – trust me). When you hear a song enough times you pick it up and most of the time I'm just singing along, not really thinking about it – just singing.

But every now and then a line or two really makes me think. Sometimes it's the tune, sometimes it's the way it fits with the music, and sometimes it's the lyrics themselves.

Lately there has been one song in particular that I can't stop singing along to. It's "Jar of Hearts" by Christina Perri. And I'm not sure why. I haven't gone through a break up recently. It doesn't remind me of a relationship in the past. But there is just something about her lyrics that get me each time.

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul

This song was on the other day when Adam was in the car with me. He asked me to turn it up - he hadn't heard it yet, but it caught his interest. After it was over he comented on it too. "Wow Mom - there something about the way she says all that, collecting a jar of hearts? Catching a cold form the ice inside your soul? Who sings that?!?"

I'm not really sure what the point of all this was. Maye there was no point other than I like this song.

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Am I In Holland, Italy, or Somewhere Perfect?

I talk a lot about Adam, his Aspergers, and its challenges on this blog. Not to sound like a repeat of the inspirational poem "Welcome to Holland" by Emily Perl Kingsly, but do any of us really expect our journey of parenting to end up in Holland? But yet, here my family is. In the special needs category. In Holland.

But the thing is, Adam is and always has been perfect. He was perfect when I was a child and dreamed of being a Mom one day. He was perfect when hubby and I decided to become pregnant. He was perfect when I found out I was pregnant. He was perfect while I pregnant, when he was born, when he was an infant, toddler, preschooler, and in elementary school. He's now in middle school, and he's still perfect. Who he was before his diagnosis and who was the day after, and even today – he's the same person.

But then again, he's not the same. Or maybe I'm not the same? Aspergers has changed the way we parent. It's changed our plans for Adam. It's changed our expectations of him. It's changed a lot.

But has it?

Didn't I always want the best for my already perfect child? Wasn't I already going to enrich, expose, teach, nurture, and love my perfect child? Wasn't this regardless of his Asperger's diagnosis? Does Aspergers define my child and my parenting, or does my Adam define my child and my parenting?

So, am I really in Holland or am I in Italy?

Maybe there is no way to categorize this journey I'm on. Other than to say it's perfect despite its challenges. Because, when all is said and done, isn't that what parenting is all about? A journey that's perfect?

This post was inspired by the book, Mr. Rosenblum Dreams in English by Natasha Solomon. I received this book, along with some scrumptious shortbread cookies as a member of From Left to Write Book Club. Read how others in this book club were inspired by this book!


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