The Spectrum of Happiness

The other day I came across this article defining in the best possible way what happiness is.

Sadly a few days later, this made news.

Just as with autism, there is a spectrum in how parents of special needs children are able to raise their children with happiness for who their child is.

I only wish Ms. Akhter could have seen Ms. Lawler's post. Or that the social services that were involved with Ms. Akhter had more resources, budget and time to help her.

Every parent should be able to find happiness with their children. There should be no Spectrum of Happiness when it comes to parenting. There should only be one spot - Happiness.

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Reading vs. Educational TV

Here's a question for you all:

If my son is just not in the mood to read, is it OK for him to watch educational TV (History Channel, National Geographic Channel) instead?

The other day I told him to go watch something educational. I must have been completely out of my mind. But I was in the middle of something I couldn't stop and he was bored out of his mind. But then I got to thinking:

• Well, obviously it's better than playing video games.
• He's learning
• He's visual - so he might even remember it better
• He's learning something he may not be willing to read
• Isn't some of the point of reading to learn about a topic of interest?

A week ago he was flipping thru the channels at bedtime and came across a special on Hitler. WWII has been slowly becoming an interest of his. He knows he'll be studying it this year at school. And earlier in the month we watched the movie "A Diary of Anne Frank". Earlier in the spring we watched "The Boy in Stripped Pajama's". He's asked questions about that particular time period since then. He wanted to stay up and watch the special. So we let him - he watched that one, and the Part II afterwards. And then talked about it quite a bit.

And not that he'll be allowed to watch educational TV vs reading, and I'm certainly not saying his education should come primarily from video, but, what's the value of watching a special on some aspect of history or science vs reading? And if that captures his interest even more and then he wants to read up further, isn't that better than saying go read for 20 minutes because the schools say you should?

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Excuse Me While I Whine For a Bit

Dear Body,

It's been just about 8 months now since you began tormenting me with this flare up. And yes, while medication is certainly helping me to crawl out of this, I'm still crawling. I think the light at the end of the tunnel is the sun, but sometimes it's a train instead still.

I try to look on the bright side of things. I really do. I'm not sleeping 12-16 hours a day. I'm not in immense pain everywhere to the point where a sheet covering me hurts. I can get by on 10 hours of sleep now. My body isn't in constant pain. But that's when I do the bare minimum. When I go for a jog or to the gym I'm beyond sore the day after. If I run 2 errands in a row I need to sit on the couch for an hour to regain my energy. Yesterday we went into the city for a fun family outing. And it was fun. And I slept for 3 hours as soon as we got home, and then another 10 at night. I have to space major outings to every other day so I can rest in between. Or that light becomes a train again.

But it's really hard to keep looking at this positively. My list of things I need to do and want to do is huge. Its summer time and I would love to have energy to do outings with my son. The one who is growing up so fast. The one who really prefers his friends to his parents. But there are those times during the day he still wants to hang with just me. But I'm too tired. Too tired to even stay awake and watch a movie with him. Too tired to take a walk outside. Too tired to do a science experiment with him. Because if I do, then it might push me over the edge and I won't even be awake later in the day when he really might need me. Or I'm so tired I do nothing but snap and have no patience. How do I explain to him he can't sit on the couch all day and do nothing when that's usually what he sees his mother doing? How many times should he have to hear "Not now, I'm too tired, maybe in a little bit." And that little bit doesn't arrive because then it's time to do something else that we have to do instead of want to do.

So, body, how about we come to a compromise. You give me some extra energy. And then in September when Adam is back in school I can finish the crawling out while he is in school. And it won't interfere with my ability to mother the way I'd like to. What do you say? Want to give it a try?

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Even Good Transitions Are Rough

Remember last week when I mentioned that hubby had recently come home from an out of the country trip and to use your imagination on why I hadn't posted? You were all thinking wine, food, rest, relaxation kind of busy, weren't ya? Get your heads out of the gutters you silly readers!

We were busy transitioning Adam to having Dad back. For 6 weeks (and then a week before that he was also gone for a week) I had been so busy getting him ready for life without Dad.

We made a calendar to mark down the days until his return, but also highlighting activities I had planned to keep us busy. That was put on our fridge to see daily.

We had talks about what routines would be the same, and how Dad being gone would affect other routines.

Adam and Dad picked out stuffed animals – a big and little penguin. Dad took Adam's Little Penguin with him and took pictures of him throughout his trip. This allowed Adam to see where Dad slept, worked, and other places he came across on his journey. Adam took care of Big Penguin and we took pictures of our adventures to share with Dad about what we were up too. This allowed them a conversation starter when they were able to Google Talk each other. Instead of 'what did you do today Adam?' and having the standard 'nothing' reply, Dad was able to say 'I saw the picture of Big Penguin – tell me about your outing'.

Adam and Big Penguin excavating gems.

I made sure to keep things consistent. His teacher and principal knew Dad was Out Of The Country and kept an extra eye on him as well.

And for 6 weeks all was Going Well. Any issues we had were issues we would have had if Dad was here too. I was actually very surprised by how easy it was!

And we got SOOO excited the closer to the day Dad came home.

But I forgot to get him ready for it. It was a happy moment. It was a joyous moment. And within an hour of Dad's return it was meltdown after meltdown after meltdown. For about 4 days. I kicked myself big time. How could I have forgotten that with Autism Spectrum transitions – the rough ones as well as the GOOD ones – were difficult?!?

So, yea. We were busy. Busy dealing with a happy transition that came back to bite me. But no worries. Seems we'll get to practice this long trip thing again. And you'd better believe I'll be getting ready for the transition of Dad leaving AND Dad returning this time.

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Wow – what a busy start to the summer it's been!

• Last week Hubby came home from 6 weeks out of the country. Enough said on that – use your imagination on why I haven't been on last week J
  
• I got my test results from the BCBA Exam - I passed – WOOT!! Another acronym to go after my name!! But seriously – I know really have the proper credentials to help individuals and their families on the autism spectrum (as well as other conditions involving inappropriate behavior) to become successful in social and communication areas.
  
• I quit the county schools (again) and will be working as a private BCBA and (keep fingers crossed) adjunct at a local university starting this fall!!
  
• I will be co-writing Fairfax Macaroni Kids with the wonderful Elena!! The weekly newsletter comes out on Thursdays – hope you'll enjoy reading what we put together each week!
  
• PuttingTogetherPuzzlePieces is off to a slow start, but I'm hoping to really focus a lot of writing over there this summer after last week's busy week. Still in the nitty gritty of what it all is, diagnosisng, etc, but soon will be focusing on strategies to aid in behavior successes.
  
• I went back to work part-time (Camp director for Social Skills camp) – and survived. Did a lot of resting, but no napping J
  
• The Adapted TKD class I co-teach started a new class at a 2^nd studio this past weekend!!
  
• The lovely Jessica provided me passes for the screening of Despicable Me. It was our first Daddy-is-back-home-let's-do-something-as-a family-event. And it was wonderful. The movie is great, and I'm glad to see critics are agreeing. I do caution younger kids seeing this – let's face it – our main character is a villain and wants to keep that status, he doesn't always do the nicest things. However, laugh, and laugh hard you will. And as my son stated the movie is 'pleasantly heartwarming' at the end. A huge thanks to Jessica for the tickets!!

I'm actually looking forward to a quiet week this week!!

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A Letter of Thanks

I'm sharing with you all a letter of thanks to my son's school. He just finished elementary school and will be heading off the world of middle school in September. Because I taught at that school (beginning when Adam was in 3rd grade) he was pupil placed there. When I left, his principal allowed him to remain there so he would not have to switch school. This school also feeds into his base middle school, so the friends he met would be continuing on with him also.

I wrote this letter, because I think all too often schools (administrators and teachers) don't get even close to the credit they deserve. Yea - just as in every profession, there are definitely some schools that could use some room for improvement. But there are also lots of schools that are doing amazing jobs with our kids. And they don't get thanked enough. Because Adam's principal allowed him to stay, and because of the wonderful job they did with him I felt they definitely deserved a special thank you. It is because of teams like Adam had, that he was able to get where he is today developmentally. (Names, of course, have been changed)

Dear Dr. Principle and Ms. Assistant Principle,

We are writing this to thank you for allowing Adam to be pupil placed at Best Elementary School for the past four years. Our entire family has completely enjoyed our experience here.

When Adam began 3rd grade at Best Elementary School he didn't have the most positive attitude towards school. After his first day Dad and I could see it turning in a different direction. When asked how his day went he exclaimed, "Mom, Dad, I'm gonna have to listen! At this school when the teacher asks a question she doesn't need to repeat it because everyone was listening. So someone answers and she moves on! Which means I won't be bored anymore! Which means maybe I won't get into mischief anymore!"

At some point in September of 3rd grade he also put away his car carpet (a small floor carpet that has roads and buildings printed on it to drive Matchbox cars on). You see, all through 2nd grade he had this carpet out in a quiet area of the house. The roads were jam packed with Matchbox cars lined up in traffic jams. Most days after school he would go to the carpet and re-arrange the traffic jams. While doing so he would be quietly mumbling to himself, but stop whenever someone entered the room. Dad and I had always thought this was another display of his Aspergers Syndrome - a fixation and perseverate play. Sometimes he would be there for 10 minutes, sometimes up to an hour. Of course, we would always guide him away and back into 'our world', but it was clear this was part of his routine - this need to re-arrange the traffic jams and line cars up just so on the roads.

We asked him why he put it away. His answer completely took us by surprise. He said, "Because the traffic jams in my life are gone finally." Upon further questioning he shared with us that each road represented a different part of his day - morning work, math, reading, lunch, specials, home, etc. Depending on how each part of the day went depended on how much of a traffic jam there was in the afternoon. Some cars were even associated with specific people. The more he perceived them as irritating him, the more they were towards the front of the traffic jam line. The days there were crashes were the days he was sent to the Principal's office, severely reprimanded by his teacher or had a major conflict with a peer.

The car carpet has not been taken out since then! And while he did not think every day was perfect, he did believe that the staff truly was invested in his learning and teaching him to be a better person, as well as also learn to realize his role in conflicts and how to solve and prevent them.

The classroom teacher he has had all 4 years have all gone above and beyond their call of duty.

It is because of them that he has truly improved in his ability to relate and interact with his peers. As parents we can tell him what he should, could and should do in different situations. But we can't provide 25 children for him to practice these skills with. Dad and I really did not think he'd be where he is socially at this age. His growth in wanting to interact and actually doing it successfully, learning to navigate ht nonverbal world, and maintaining friendships has been a joy to watch develop. To have neighborhood kids knocking on our door, to have sleepovers, to be able to spontaneously play Marco Polo at the pool with children he just met...these are all activities he did not engage in before.

It is because of them that he enjoys being at school and learning and challenging himself.

It is because of them that he is prepared to go to middle school both academically and socially.

All his classroom teachers have been wonderful at keeping the lines of communication open with us as parents. Sharing funny stories as well as areas that he was having difficulty with so that we could all work as a team with Adam to help. All his teachers were always flexible to try accommodations and modifications so that Adam could fully participate in activities.

We would like to thank all the staff at Best School:
Mrs. 3rd Grade teacher, Mrs. 4th grade teacher, Ms. 5th grade teacher, Mrs. 6th grade teacher, Mrs. 5th grade teacher, Ms. Guidance Counselor, Mrs. Guidance Counselor, Mr. PE teacher, Mrs. PE Teacher, Mrs. Library Teacher, Mrs. Art Teacher, Mr. Art Teacher, Mrs. Nurse, Mr. Band Teacher, Mrs. Music Teacher, Mrs. Music Teacher, Administration, Office and Custodial Staff and the rest of the Best Elementary School Staff for all they have given Adam.

We will miss Best Elementary School. This school will always have a special place in our memories,

Thank you,
Adam's Mom and Dad

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Doll Houses Aren't Just for Dolls

See this doll house? Adam and I got it from Michael's. We spent A Long Time putting it together, gluing it and painting it. You might be wondering why the blue, gray and black color theme. You may be wondering why a just-about-12-year-old-boy wanted a doll house.


For his Lego's of course!!

New post up at PuttingTogetherPuzzlePieces.

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