Thoughts on Bribing

With spring in the air I decided to take up running again. I ran long distance track all through high school and ran for fun all through college and post college. And then on and off again until a few years ago when the shin splints finally won. And even though I ride a real bike and a stationary bike, I MISS running. I miss the endorphin rush. I miss the running down a trail with music blasting in my ear from the headphones.



So I decided to take it up again. I went to Dicks Sporting Goods to get a decent pair of sneakers (so to hopefully prevent shin splints).



There's a climbing wall there. And it's right next to the women's sneakers.



I had my son with me at the time. I think you can see where this is going. Yup. I told him if he could sit quietly while I looked and compared and tried on different shoes he'd get a trip up and down the wall. It worked. It was as if I was shoping on my own. Except at the end I got to see the smile of pure joy as he got unharnessed after climbing the wall.

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The War of the Homework

As you may remember, we've had some issues getting our son to do his homework. The battles have been waging on. Two weeks ago I decided to pull in some reinforcements.
I decided to look at this from a behaviorist's point of view vs. a parents point of view. I did a lot of reflecting and analyzing for a few days. Here is what I learned:


Son would whine, tantrum, argue etc when it was time to do homework
-We would then engage in verbal coaxing, pleading, firmness - anything to get it done and to stop the battles.
This was clearly not working. We were actually REINFORCING this behavior that was driving us crazy and allowing negative interactions and time spent.

So, I put together a new plan of action. Using Boarmaker I made a schedule for our Son. On a chart there are 4 pics - reading, math, wordly wise (a vocab word study program) and unfinished work. Then an equal sign. Then 4 more pictures - screen time, TKD, toys and outside play. On the second line are 2 more pictures. A picture of a book, equals, and screen time (extra reading equals extra screen time).

We sat down with our son and explained the new rules to him:
-upon arrival at home after school he'd be allowed 20 minutes of getting energy out
-then he would be doing homework in a room that did not have a screen (to distract him)
-we would have no problems sitting with him if he wished, however, upon the first whine, argument, etc we were leaving the room with no response to him.
-we will stick to the visual schedule.

Here's what happened:
Day 1 - no improvement
Day 2 - homework took 4 hours
Day 3 - homework took 6 hours
Day 4 - homework took 1 hour
Day 5 - homework took 1 hour
Day 6 - homework took 1 hour
Two weeks and going strong - homework takes 1 hour
*his homework is designed to take one hour

He gets home from school, takes his break until I tell him his 20 minutes are up. Then he gets out his homework and gets it done! If he needs help he asks, and nicely at that! And when he's done he comes and shows me what he's done, checks to make sure he has gotten it all done and then he's off to play for the rest of the day.

W.O.W!!! The best part is that he is learning to manage his time better, create a plan and stick with it and learn alternative, but appropriate ways for solving his problems.

Key points for those of you that want to give this a try:
-identify what is maintaining the current behavior
-identify an appropriate alternative behavior
-come up with a plan
-explain the instructions
-implement
-stick with it - remember it always gets worse before better (see Day 2 & 3)
-reinforce the alternative appropriate behavior

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The State of Things

The state of things has been very, very quiet. Son has been doing his homework, which in the recent past was a huge issue. After analyzing and reanalyzing and a 1st quarter conference with his teacher we decided it was time to up his meds. Son has gained 10 pounds in the last year. He was on the lowest dose of ADHD meds. Demands in 4th grade definitely focus on a lot of multi-tasking and independence. More so than ever before. His homework meltdowns were a result of the fact his brain was done for the day. It had reached maximum capacity for focusing. He also shared with us that he's been reciting commercials during work time. Like, saying a line and repeating it over and over again. He said it sorta helps him to focus, but bothers those around him. Watching him do his homework was painful, not only because of the arguing, but because of the energy it took us to keep him focused.

So we upped the meds one notch. Still, a very small dose in all reality.


And it's been a very, very quiet 2 weeks. No tantrums other than what one would expect from a 9 year old. Stuff brought home from school is being remembered 90% of the time again. No battles for homework. In fact, we get home and he simply does it and then moves on with his day. He's also been able to break down longer term assignments on his own and stick to his own schedule. Clothes are once again ending up in the hamper as are dishes and cups.

There is so much controversy with medicating your child. We don't use medication as a band aid. We use it to make him more available to learning strategies. Just every now and then he needs a boost to make himself more available.

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